Below is an email I had sent directly to Warren Kinsella almost a year ago. An article he had written was published, likely in the Toronto Star, I don't recall. I was doing a bit of housekeeping in my SentMail box, and noticed this throwaway missive I sent. Needless to say, he didn't respond, probably because of my wreckless spelling, but, hey, he really didn't deserve the effort of a spell check.
----- Original Message -----
From: Wally Keeler
To: wkinsella@hotmail.com
Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2007 12:20 PM
Subject: HMV
Hi Warren
This morning, after reading your column about murder music, I walked into HMV on Yonge Street. I asked the first emplyee at the door, where the "racist music section" was.
I beg your pardon?
Could you direct me to your racist music section, you know, for example Sizzla, Elephant Man.
Up on the second floor sir.
So I go to the second floor and ask an employee where the racist music section is.
Same thing, and I am directed to the Reggae music section is.
So I go there and ask a woman staff member where the racist music section is, etc.
She walks me over to Sizzla and Elephant Man.
Reminds me of the time two years ago when I walked into a Condom Shack on Queen St W.
Staff member came over and asked if he could help.
So I ask, "Do you have any condoms in Islamic green?"
I beg your pardon sir?
Do you have any condoms in Islamic green?
Oh, well we do have these over here.
But these are marketed as Lucky Irish. I want condoms in Islamic green.
We don't have those, sir.
But you do beleive in diversity don't you?
Yes, but not that.
Well what am I gonna use if I want to fuck a Muslim?
I think you better leave sir.
So I left.
Wally Keeler (Poetician1, Peoples Republic of Poetry)
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
HOW MUCH IS THAT FROGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
Click on image to enlarge
In a whine broadcast around the world, Franz Pahl, President of Trentino-Alto Adige region that includes Bolzano said that a work of art hanging in his jurisdiction is "not a work of art but a blasphemy and a disgusting piece of trash that upsets many people. We won't have this little frog belittle our beloved institution and make a mockery of God. It is scandalous and blasphemous.”The voice of official Catholicism weighed in with a letter of support to Franz Pahl, asserting that the blasphemous art “wounded the religious sentiments of so many people who see in the cross the symbol of God's love and redemption"
In an act as stupid as that of Leo Adner, of the Friends of the Simon Weisenthal Centre in Canada, the Vatican took a stand on behalf of God Almighty and His Heavenly Hosts, waxing apoplectic about a green amphibian being hung out to dry on a cross, a la Jesus Christ. The object of blasphemy was cleverly disguised as art and hung out to dry at an art gallery.The sculpture is called "Zuerst die Fusse", ( Feet First).
Museum officials at Museion in the Italian city of Bolzana defied the religious edict and continues to hang the sculpture created by the late Martin Kippenberger. Museum officials defended their decision to continue exhibiting the blasphemous art; "Art must always be free and the artist should not have any restrictions on freedom of expression."
Franz Pahl, a committed Catholic, went on a hunger strike against the display of the frog. The force of his faith was so powerful that he had to be taken to the hospital.
No one has heard what God Almighty has said about this issue. Unlike Leo Adner, and the Vatican, God decided that there were more important things to tend to, what with all the administrative duties to ensure the universe continues to comply with all of the physical rules set forth in the opening moment of Big Bang and the subsequent policy of YES! IT-IS-GOOD!
The Mafia of Meddlers & Mediocrity would do better to “ribbet” and move on; the rest of the world has.
But then again, there are other ways to deal with annoying crazy frogs.Thursday, August 28, 2008
OH BAMA LAMA DING DONG
Being a citizen of geezer country, the woopy doo surrounding the neighbours southbound brought this song to mind, originally by the Edsels no less. So let's join the new Obama generation as they do the the Obama Lama Sing Song. It's all about change, change, change, small change.Tap yer tootsies folks. This is the sort of lyrical poetry that Hallmark cards blesses.
HATE ON PARLIAMENTAL HILL
Irving Layton, Canada’s most infamous bad boy poet, was the subject of adulation by dozens of units of verse [poetariet] of the unitverse of the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry (PRP) on Canada’s Parliament Hill.
Irving Layton, a serial offender of celebratory proportions, and author of a list of poetry books the length of Yonge Street wrote “whatever else, poetry is freedom.” This assertion of his personal creed, when Googled, produces a myriad of commentary by many in the poetic community.
His contempt for mediocrity and for the most bloated bland glands in the world was summed up in this prescient comment in his book, The Whole Bloody Bird: “Canadians are a nice people; I can think of nothing else to say against them.”
Irving Layton, who wrote these lines in 1966, in a wonderfully offensive and insolent put-down poem, Hymn to the Republic, slamming the left-lib baffle-gag of the day, “I am sorry for you, America. You deserve grander neighbours than assholes covered with ten gallon hats!”
Irving Layton was chosen by the Minister With Poetfolio of the Peoples Republic of Poetry, to play the role of Big Brother in the poetic event, Re-Verse of 2 Minutes Hate. Big Brother was appropoetically re-versed to BIG BRAT. Layton’s inspiring comment motivated the many assembled units of verse, the poetariet:
+txt.jpg)
Irving Layton, a serial offender of celebratory proportions, and author of a list of poetry books the length of Yonge Street wrote “whatever else, poetry is freedom.” This assertion of his personal creed, when Googled, produces a myriad of commentary by many in the poetic community.
His contempt for mediocrity and for the most bloated bland glands in the world was summed up in this prescient comment in his book, The Whole Bloody Bird: “Canadians are a nice people; I can think of nothing else to say against them.”
Irving Layton, who wrote these lines in 1966, in a wonderfully offensive and insolent put-down poem, Hymn to the Republic, slamming the left-lib baffle-gag of the day, “I am sorry for you, America. You deserve grander neighbours than assholes covered with ten gallon hats!”
Irving Layton was chosen by the Minister With Poetfolio of the Peoples Republic of Poetry, to play the role of Big Brother in the poetic event, Re-Verse of 2 Minutes Hate. Big Brother was appropoetically re-versed to BIG BRAT. Layton’s inspiring comment motivated the many assembled units of verse, the poetariet:
“There is no force more subversive than poetry and that is why tyrants have always feared it and sought to suppress it. But not only tyrants. Everyone who has a vested interest in preventing the individual from discovering the truth of his own self and his own capacities fears the liberating power that resides in poetry.”
+txt.jpg)
Poetry In Motion, is not just the title of a sickly syrupy song. Poetry is Poetency in action. Poetry was vociferously manifested on Parliament Hill, August 20, 1978 by dozens of units of verse who had been instructed by the Poetburo to hate out loud, way out loud, and especially in the face of Govern Mental Disorder. The full instructions can be found here: page 1, 2, 3.
The “mad haters club” assembled at the S.A.W. Gallery, Ottawa’s premier cutting-edge gallery for the avante garde. The poetariet decontaminated themselves of all foreign identification paraphernalia (SIN cards, driver licences, credit cards, etc). The ID was placed into a safe. The poetariet wore their Poetic Licence Cards. Finally, the poetariet was advised that all questions asked by non-poetariet were to be answered with “I am at liberty not to say.” Ottawa police provided a poetective escort for the poetariet as they proceed from the SAW gallery to Parliament Hill.
The “mad haters club” assembled at the S.A.W. Gallery, Ottawa’s premier cutting-edge gallery for the avante garde. The poetariet decontaminated themselves of all foreign identification paraphernalia (SIN cards, driver licences, credit cards, etc). The ID was placed into a safe. The poetariet wore their Poetic Licence Cards. Finally, the poetariet was advised that all questions asked by non-poetariet were to be answered with “I am at liberty not to say.” Ottawa police provided a poetective escort for the poetariet as they proceed from the SAW gallery to Parliament Hill.
The Peoples Republic of Poetry was an early believer in the di-Verse. Placards reading Big Data Watches, Little Brother Watches Back and other slogans were rendered in a wide assortment of languages. Everybody has a right to be a write wringer.
Here's mud in your lens.
In accordance with the policy of Little Brother Watches Back, the PRP documents itself, via Sony Portpak, reel-to-reel 1.2 inch tape.
Chrome data placards make for cool reflections; it re-verses reality, thereby reflecting govern mental disorders.
Defying the REDs
Attributing irresponsibility
The poetariet is green to go
The poetariet paraded their wit around the circumference of Parliament Hill twice. Chrome placards shaped like computer data cards reflected sunlight down the nine security cameras that monitor the Hill. Solar flares deconstructed direct feed to the RCMP editing studios; the imagery was further aggravated by the overwhelming “whitemess” of the poetariet. The location of the cameras had been mapped the previous evening.
The poetariet gathered at a pre-determined location which provided the clearest view for the RCMP. A speech on a chrome printout scroll was read. [Poem-speech page 1, 2, 3.]
It was at this location that a large chrome banner was unfurled, revealing the face of Solicitor-General, Jean-Jacques Blais, the boss of the RCMP, who was the target of the hate. He was billed as the Enemy of the Peephole. He was a stand-in for Emmanuel Goldstein, who was the Enemy of the People in George Orwell’s book, 1984.
What sweet irony and poetic justice that the RCMP were witnessing and recording citizens from a foreign state of mind, the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry, hating their boss with total impunity, right there, in the cradle of Canada’s govern mental disorder.
They witnessed and recorded the contemptuous throwing of assorted legislation against the image of their boss, including the shredding and throwing of the Human Rights Act amongst other Acts. The hate-on ejaculated with fierce energy, splattering witnesses with wonderful wit. It was free screech in rock concert decibels. The news media swallowed it all, and spit it into the living-rooms of the nation later that evening.
It was at this location that a large chrome banner was unfurled, revealing the face of Solicitor-General, Jean-Jacques Blais, the boss of the RCMP, who was the target of the hate. He was billed as the Enemy of the Peephole. He was a stand-in for Emmanuel Goldstein, who was the Enemy of the People in George Orwell’s book, 1984.
What sweet irony and poetic justice that the RCMP were witnessing and recording citizens from a foreign state of mind, the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry, hating their boss with total impunity, right there, in the cradle of Canada’s govern mental disorder.
They witnessed and recorded the contemptuous throwing of assorted legislation against the image of their boss, including the shredding and throwing of the Human Rights Act amongst other Acts. The hate-on ejaculated with fierce energy, splattering witnesses with wonderful wit. It was free screech in rock concert decibels. The news media swallowed it all, and spit it into the living-rooms of the nation later that evening.
Canadians and media witness wit in a rage.
There goes the Human Rights Act, thrown right into the face of the Solicitor General of Canada.
Hatred is getting out of bland.
Two minutes of hating can be exhausing -- recommended only for the physical fit.
Sexy babe in a rage of hate.
At the end of the 2 minute hatefest, a large image of Canada’s sexiest poet, Irving Layton, was unfurled. The poetariet was in reverie, chanting:
HIS POETRY! HIS POETENCY!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
INSULTING LENIN IN 1984
Click on images to enlarge
Wally Keeler wraps the nose cone with chrome mylar
Ready to roll -- a moment for posturing
Oh look, a drive-by shouting near Nathan Phillips Square
Close up of the nose
a pause to refresh
Reporters always have questions
FREEDOM OF SPEECH: It's a wonderful thing.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Coming Soon to a Blog Near You: UNBRIDLED HATE!
August 20, 1978, units of verse (poetariet) of the unitVerse of the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry gathered on Parliament Hill and indulged in a poetic event of unbridled hatred. Documents and images of this defiant event will be scanned, cropped and configured for uploading in a day or two. Stay tuned. Meanwhile enjoy the teaser news article below.
Click on image to enlarge
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
CHRC SENTENCES RICHARD WARMBUM
The Comedian Humiliation Rights Commission (CHRC) early yesterday morning sentenced chronic complainer and peripheral bureaucrap, Richard Warmbum to an intense six month regimen designed to thicken his skin. Last month the CHRC had found Warmbum guilty of his convictions and sent him to the Creative Rehabilitation and Assessment Program at the Moan, Groan & Gripe Institute for a pre-sentence report.
The report, which the CHRC received late last week, revealed that Warmbum’s skin is thinner than a latex prophylactic made by imprisoned Tibetan dissidents for the Chinese market. “It is so thin raindrops from a light shower would penetrate it," said Douglas Curran, lead researcher of the Extreme Intra Epidermal Investigations Organization (E.I.E.I.O).
“He’s like a predatory bird that can detect prey from enormous distances. Our tests found that Mr Warmbum could detect verbal offence on a flat screen monitor three football fields away. We did a field test on the Toronto transit system where he noticed a spelling error of a racial slur on an iPod screen across the length of a transit bus,” added Mr Curran.
Biographical background checks found primary and secondary school documents indicating that Warmbum had made 911 accusations of textual assault against fellow students, resulting on one occasion with a painful episode of fore-finger tenderitis brought on by excessive finger-pointing. “He was a whiny little brat,” said Charlie Diamond, a teacher at Simile Secondary School, located on the upper east side of Sonnet City. “He was constantly denouncing the sticks-and-stones policy, calling for punishment for every transgressive verb spoken in the schoolyard. He was a terrible little enforcer so it is no wonder he gravitated to the mediocrity mafia.”
“We were always attending to his hurt feelings,” said Mojgan Navidi, vice-principal. “I regarded him as a sociopathetic denouncer. He would have done well in a communist state.”
The pre-sentence report made for “dismal reading,” said CHRC chairpersona, Ms Lynch M. Hye. Warmbum was sentenced to wear the newly developed Bigotry Buster, a modified head-phone programmed to emit white noise in a manner that prevents spoken words from becoming oral friction. The head-phones have been denounced as “dead-phones” by Human Gripes Commissioner, Barb Small.
“They alienate the wearer from the real world of chronic injustice,” she complained this afternoon. “They deaden human sensitivity, thereby preventing uplifting and doubleplusgood communications from prevailing. The world needs more sensitivity to the cruel pain of hurtful degrading screech, not less. These dead-phones serve only to increase the field for holocaustic remarks.”
“The world is governed by too many brutal predatory regimes,” said Ms Hye. “We cannot permit our democrazy to dilute itself to bland-gland pap in which the weakest link becomes the governing characteristic. It would render us virtually defenceless. Father nature’s evolutionary programs have unmerciful methods of dealing with weak links -- discontinuity. Society has a greater need to toughen up Mr Warmbum to endure the slings and arrows of the rough and tumble of life’s daily comedy of errors.”
“The chip that operates the Bigotry Buster contains 1,984 words that trigger white noise to drown out and diminish the likelihood of acute offence,” explained Winston Smith Jr, who peer-headed research into the device. “We borrowed from the intelligence community monitoring international and domestic communications for key words and phrases likely to signal criminal attacks.”
“The device is currently working with a Watch Your Words program in English only,” said Ivan Ivanovitch of the Organization of Oral Offence (OoOO). “The vast majority of serial whiners to assorted human rot commissions in Canada, for example, point to English as the primary carrier of offence. A decontructivist team of verbalists are currently vetting other languages to apply to the Bigotry Buster.”
Peachy Dean, of the Multilingus Kakaphony Klub asserts that any further development of the device to include other languages smacks of racism. “The researchers and facilitators of this device are all Englishers. To include minority languages is nothing more than a means to divert attention from primary offenders and enabling them to continue domination of the pulp friction industry.”
The CHRC is standing firm. “If the Bigotry Buster works, there will be a great cost savings for the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry,” said Ms Guided Vettings of the CHRC. “Creativity will flourish if we can roll back the pathetic philosophy of Dean Steacy and his announced disdain for freedom of speech. His underlying bigotry against the United States of America is antithetical to mutual understanding between people and cultures.”
Dean Steacy, a stop investigator for the Canadian Human Rights Commission, responded to a defendant’s lawyer’s questioning by declaring that “Freedom of speech is an American concept and I don’t give it much value.”
Warmbum must wear the Bigotry Buster during waking hours for the next six months to determine if his uber-touchimess to verbal slights of tongue has decreased sufficiently to release him into the wild of free screechers.
He was further sentenced to wear the “chrome faceless shield” developed in the mid-70’s by the Creative Intelligence Anarchy of the Peoples Republic of Poetry. Initially intended to satirize the 10,000th non-person-down-the-hall, those faceless bureaucraps that hide behind thick burqas of procedure, the Poetic Justice Dep’t found that they also diminished perceptive insight. Recent modifications to the faceless shield include the same programs as the Bigotry Buster but applied to visual displays of text.
“Most importantly, Mr Warmbum, has not been given any gag order by the Comedian Humiliation Rights Commission,” said Wally Keeler, lead poetician of the Peoples Republic of Poetry. “Freedom of screech is fun&mentally healthy. The sentence given to Warmbum affects only selected sensory inputs, not his output. We don’t support gag goons of any disorder.”
The report, which the CHRC received late last week, revealed that Warmbum’s skin is thinner than a latex prophylactic made by imprisoned Tibetan dissidents for the Chinese market. “It is so thin raindrops from a light shower would penetrate it," said Douglas Curran, lead researcher of the Extreme Intra Epidermal Investigations Organization (E.I.E.I.O).
“He’s like a predatory bird that can detect prey from enormous distances. Our tests found that Mr Warmbum could detect verbal offence on a flat screen monitor three football fields away. We did a field test on the Toronto transit system where he noticed a spelling error of a racial slur on an iPod screen across the length of a transit bus,” added Mr Curran.
Biographical background checks found primary and secondary school documents indicating that Warmbum had made 911 accusations of textual assault against fellow students, resulting on one occasion with a painful episode of fore-finger tenderitis brought on by excessive finger-pointing. “He was a whiny little brat,” said Charlie Diamond, a teacher at Simile Secondary School, located on the upper east side of Sonnet City. “He was constantly denouncing the sticks-and-stones policy, calling for punishment for every transgressive verb spoken in the schoolyard. He was a terrible little enforcer so it is no wonder he gravitated to the mediocrity mafia.”
“We were always attending to his hurt feelings,” said Mojgan Navidi, vice-principal. “I regarded him as a sociopathetic denouncer. He would have done well in a communist state.”
The pre-sentence report made for “dismal reading,” said CHRC chairpersona, Ms Lynch M. Hye. Warmbum was sentenced to wear the newly developed Bigotry Buster, a modified head-phone programmed to emit white noise in a manner that prevents spoken words from becoming oral friction. The head-phones have been denounced as “dead-phones” by Human Gripes Commissioner, Barb Small.
“They alienate the wearer from the real world of chronic injustice,” she complained this afternoon. “They deaden human sensitivity, thereby preventing uplifting and doubleplusgood communications from prevailing. The world needs more sensitivity to the cruel pain of hurtful degrading screech, not less. These dead-phones serve only to increase the field for holocaustic remarks.”
“The world is governed by too many brutal predatory regimes,” said Ms Hye. “We cannot permit our democrazy to dilute itself to bland-gland pap in which the weakest link becomes the governing characteristic. It would render us virtually defenceless. Father nature’s evolutionary programs have unmerciful methods of dealing with weak links -- discontinuity. Society has a greater need to toughen up Mr Warmbum to endure the slings and arrows of the rough and tumble of life’s daily comedy of errors.”
“The chip that operates the Bigotry Buster contains 1,984 words that trigger white noise to drown out and diminish the likelihood of acute offence,” explained Winston Smith Jr, who peer-headed research into the device. “We borrowed from the intelligence community monitoring international and domestic communications for key words and phrases likely to signal criminal attacks.”“The device is currently working with a Watch Your Words program in English only,” said Ivan Ivanovitch of the Organization of Oral Offence (OoOO). “The vast majority of serial whiners to assorted human rot commissions in Canada, for example, point to English as the primary carrier of offence. A decontructivist team of verbalists are currently vetting other languages to apply to the Bigotry Buster.”
Peachy Dean, of the Multilingus Kakaphony Klub asserts that any further development of the device to include other languages smacks of racism. “The researchers and facilitators of this device are all Englishers. To include minority languages is nothing more than a means to divert attention from primary offenders and enabling them to continue domination of the pulp friction industry.”
The CHRC is standing firm. “If the Bigotry Buster works, there will be a great cost savings for the imagine nation of the Peoples Republic of Poetry,” said Ms Guided Vettings of the CHRC. “Creativity will flourish if we can roll back the pathetic philosophy of Dean Steacy and his announced disdain for freedom of speech. His underlying bigotry against the United States of America is antithetical to mutual understanding between people and cultures.”
Dean Steacy, a stop investigator for the Canadian Human Rights Commission, responded to a defendant’s lawyer’s questioning by declaring that “Freedom of speech is an American concept and I don’t give it much value.”
Warmbum must wear the Bigotry Buster during waking hours for the next six months to determine if his uber-touchimess to verbal slights of tongue has decreased sufficiently to release him into the wild of free screechers.
He was further sentenced to wear the “chrome faceless shield” developed in the mid-70’s by the Creative Intelligence Anarchy of the Peoples Republic of Poetry. Initially intended to satirize the 10,000th non-person-down-the-hall, those faceless bureaucraps that hide behind thick burqas of procedure, the Poetic Justice Dep’t found that they also diminished perceptive insight. Recent modifications to the faceless shield include the same programs as the Bigotry Buster but applied to visual displays of text.
Ezra Levant, who has become a fulltime respondent to the textual assaults of the word warrior community of the Canadian Human Rights Commissions could not be reached for comment. Kathy Shaidle’s triple-F blog, Five Feet of Fury, a clearing house of English language textual assaults by the mediocrity mafia, was unavailable at press time for comment.
“Most importantly, Mr Warmbum, has not been given any gag order by the Comedian Humiliation Rights Commission,” said Wally Keeler, lead poetician of the Peoples Republic of Poetry. “Freedom of screech is fun&mentally healthy. The sentence given to Warmbum affects only selected sensory inputs, not his output. We don’t support gag goons of any disorder.”
When the CHRC announced that Warmbum was also required to attend a program which develops a thin layer of callous around his heart, Warmbum went full-rage davidberserkowitz, screaming “My heart is a beating fist against my rib cage -- it wants to escape it’s confinement, to clog the throats of hate proselytizers. I hate them. I hate you for desensitizing me to the hate all around us,” He was led away to room 101 for poetic justice.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
WATCH YOUR WORDS: COMING SOON
This poster was located in lower Gastown, enhanced by Textual Assault Gangs.
Click on image to enlarge
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