Thursday, December 18, 2008


Don't say Merry Christmas to me!
The War on Christmas is better known as being inclusive
Susan G. Cole, NOW Magazine

Tell me something: Does anybody think
Irving Berlin's estate needs another infusion? No, right? So why do the malls start piping in Berlin's hit White Christmas alongside all those other Christmas chestnuts starting as early as November? We get the same 17 songs for six weeks. Where's the creativity here?

NOW Magazine’s professional social scold, Susan Cole, warns her readers to “be inclusive. Say Marry Christmas only to people you're absolutely sure celebrate that holiday. Play it safe with the rest of us”

I’m having social shivers already. Is Ms Susan Scold advising us that half the population in the public domain have short wicks, are escapees from Anger Ms Management Spas, and are likely to Ms Behave Badlee if one of those Christians utters something identifiably Christian?

Although I’m an atheist, I don’t have the social arrogance to scold people in the public domain for the equivalent of wearing a necklace bearing a Cross or Star of David or Crescent Moon or whatever, outside their clothing, rather than wearing it inside their clothing for fear of an encounter with some tight-ass Ms Retro Grundy.

“Play it safe with the rest of us,” she warns, or what? be dragged to the newspeak enforcement agency of political correctmess?

Cut a little slack, Susan.

Loosen up, Susan.

Visit Enemas R Us, Susan (I’ll give you a gift card – unlimited repeats)

Don’t make me call in the Bigotry Busters to deflate your intolerance of Christian practices.

I’m curious about the delineation of Cole’s bigotry. If an imam mounts a minaret to call for prayer five times daily in her neighbourhood, would her reaction be: “Call for prayer only to people you’re absolutely sure respond to that call. Play it safe with the rest of us.”

Susan Scold needs a big time-out from proselytizing her strict 24/7 disciplinary regimen. She’s become a grumpy old social nag worthy of tenure in the bureaucrazy of a Human Rights Triburinal.

Bemoaning the lack of creativity, Susan Scold points to the futility of “trying to get a card that’s not holiday related.” (Excuse me a moment, while I get some tissue)

If she wasn’t bereft of creativity herself, she would do what many individuals in the Creative Class do – MAKE OUR OWN CARDS!!!!

Making your own cards has a hint of anti-corporate subversion, but Cole’s consumerista inclinations prefers shopping off the rack; how cold and impersonal! Making one’s own cards and distributing them to loved ones couldn’t be more personal.

In 1984, Orwell described how newspeak cards were designed with several politically correct felicitations -- one would cross out all the felicitations that did not apply before sending it on to their loved one. Making your own cards, not buying off the rack, is the kind of subversive act I suspect Jesus would be more inclined to bless.

I trust anyone who ever receives a card from Susan Scold will now know that it’s an off-the-rack cheap industrial-strength corporate-approved-for-distribution card and reciprocate accordingly. Furthermore, the recipient of the card should also appreciate that Susan Scold has little patience with xmas crowds, so it is unlikely that she has sufficient patience to browse through the 100 or so off-the-rack cards to select the one she thinks will most closely suit the recipient.

Susan Cole suffers from a self-inflicted disability. Her lack of creativity (mediocrity) is an unfortunate result of her pathological piety to the conforming pressure of politically correct orthodoxy.

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