Sunday, August 31, 2008


Below is an email I had sent directly to Warren Kinsella almost a year ago. An article he had written was published, likely in the Toronto Star, I don't recall. I was doing a bit of housekeeping in my SentMail box, and noticed this throwaway missive I sent. Needless to say, he didn't respond, probably because of my wreckless spelling, but, hey, he really didn't deserve the effort of a spell check.

----- Original Message -----
Wally Keeler
Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2007 12:20 PM
Subject: HMV

Hi Warren
This morning, after reading your column about murder music, I walked into HMV on Yonge Street. I asked the first emplyee at the door, where the "racist music section" was.
I beg your pardon?
Could you direct me to your racist music section, you know, for example Sizzla, Elephant Man.
Up on the second floor sir.
So I go to the second floor and ask an employee where the racist music section is.

Same thing, and I am directed to the Reggae music section is.
So I go there and ask a woman staff member where the racist music section is, etc.
She walks me over to Sizzla and Elephant Man.

Reminds me of the time two years ago when I walked into a Condom Shack on Queen St W.
Staff member came over and asked if he could help.
So I ask, "Do you have any condoms in Islamic green?"
I beg your pardon sir?
Do you have any condoms in Islamic green?
Oh, well we do have these over here.
But these are marketed as Lucky Irish. I want condoms in Islamic green.
We don't have those, sir.
But you do beleive in diversity don't you?
Yes, but not that.
Well what am I gonna use if I want to fuck a Muslim?
I think you better leave sir.
So I left.

Wally Keeler (Poetician1, Peoples Republic of Poetry)


Anonymous said...

No answer from the sultan of diversity and multi cult rights on that one eh? Hmmmmm when minority groups collide on diversity intolerance what to do? Well maybe he didn't know the answer. They're still making up the rules on this game of diversity pinocle and Human rights poker. Not sure if a "colored" straight trumps a gay flush or a homophobic house trumps 2 pair of racism face cards.

Guess its ad hoc table rules for whoever the dealer is.

Wally Keeler said...

The Peoples Republic of Poetry trumped the poker rules with a Shakespearian Sonnet Flush.

Rose said...

Wally that's got to be one of the funnyest paradies I've ever read.

LOL the liberal (husband) in this house is still laughing, he advices you to ask for a "Penis Burka" next time. Of course they won't be full proof because of the eye holes.

Damn you thanks for a great laugh, I think I might have to add you to my favs.

Oh shit, it's that damn word verification thang, I never get those skill testing questions right.

Wally Keeler said...

Rose, our lives are a great comedy of errors. If I recall correctly, Jonathan Swift said the measure of good satire is that it is a swipe of a sword that slices right through the neck but leaves the head in place.